Going through the motions

Smile at the strangers.
Shake their hands.
Don't cringe when they hug you.
Answer his questions:
"I'm okay...
They're hanging in there...
Yes, I ate...
I slept fine...
I'm busy this week but we'll hang out soon."
Always look them in the eyes.
Just don't leave any reason for them to doubt you.

I bet school is crazy right now. She probably has her first round of midterms coming up. I need to ask her about her schedule- I hope she's liking her social work classes. I wonder how marching band is going? She probably spends all her free time editing pictures and going to the Parkway. I'll just wait to call her until this weekend...

Try to show up on time.
Smile and ask about class.
Play with choo-choo trains and Yoda.
Go to the park.
Put the little boy down for his nap.
Wash dishes.
Read a book.
Play music to fill the silence.
Just pray his parents get home soon.

I hope she's one of the good RAs. I need to remember to ask her to send me a picture of her bulletin boards! I wonder what her room looks like. Did her unexpected roommate move out yet? I need to go spend a weekend with her. I'll have to wait until she's not so busy...


Drive to Greensboro.
Try to eat dinner.
Ask about their new nephews.
Talk about puppy training.
Laugh at their jokes.
Watch a movie.
Just avoid talking about anything serious.

I wonder if Mary has heard from her? Normally, I would've gotten a letter by now. That's okay- I'll write her one in the morning. I wonder if she accidentally packed my blue cardigan when she went back to school? I can't find it... 

Keep the closet doors closed.
Buy new bedding- nothing blue and brown.
Don't hang up old pictures.
Pack up everything from Kenya.
Keep your Bible on the nightstand- maybe you'll read it tomorrow.
Don't touch her side of the room.
Avoid the emotional triggers.
Just leave all of her things exactly where they are.

It's weird that we still haven't talked. I can't wait until the summer- it's going to be so much fun having her in Kenya with me. She'll love it. We'll have all the time in the world to catch up. 

Take a shower.
Listen to music.
Turn out the lights.
Will yourself to fall asleep.
Just don't dream about her tonight.

It's been awhile since she's called, but I bet she's working right now in Cone. But if she's not working, she's probably already asleep. It's really late. I'll just text her in the morning. She'll be angry if I wake her up just to talk. She'll come home for a weekend soon...

Give vague answers to her text messages.
Don't hold their kids for too long.
Leave as soon as possible.
Think of an excuse:
"Not tonight, I'm just really tired...
I don't feel well today...
I already have plans with someone else..."
Just don't let them feel you pushing away.

Maybe I can go see her for Halloween. Surely she'll be home for Thanksgiving. I can do this.  Just stay busy. God, I miss her.

Clench your fists.
Bite your lip.
Swallow the lump in your throat.

She's not coming home. 


Just don't fall apart.