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I hate nighttime. 

I hate being the only person still awake. 

I hate sleeping in the room we shared. 

I'm tired of counting time by Tuesdays.

I'm tired of dreading the 24th of every month.

I'm tired of time passing so slowly, yet simultaneously so quickly, that it takes my breath away.

I wish I was in Kenya.

I wish I was living the life I was supposed to have.

I wish I was teaching.

I feel like all of my friendships have changed.

I feel like I can't talk to the people I've always talked to.

I feel like I'm not allowed to be honest. 

I don't think I'll ever find "normal."

I don't think life will ever work without you. 

I don't think I know how to live life without you.

Lots of people have happy things happening in their lives.

Lots of people have reasons to praise God right now.

Lots of people are moving on. Forgetting.

I don't want to celebrate Christmas.

I don't want to have a birthday.

I don't want one more holiday without you here. 

I cry when our songs come on in the car.

I cry when I'm by myself for too long.

I cry when I try to go to Church.

I'm scared I'll never love Jesus the way I used to.

I'm scared I'll walk away from what I believed.

I'm scared that it won't even bother me when that happens. 

But more than anything..

I hate that you're gone.

I'm tired of missing you.

I wish you would come home. 

I feel like I'm drowning.

I don't think people even realize it. 

Lots of people are moving forward.

I don't want to move forward.

I cry when I just think about it. 

I'm scared that I'll forget, too. 

Please, just come home. 

...Please?