I've slowly been digging back into Scripture. It sort of feels like I'm falling in love with Jesus all over again. It's a slow process- one step at a time- but at least it's forward motion. It's a start.
Over and over this week, I've been led back to John 13- the story of Jesus washing the disciples' feet. I'm particularly drawn to the interaction between Jesus and Simon Peter. Peter is shocked that Jesus, his Rabbi, would ever stoop down to wash his feet. When he asks why, Jesus says,
"What I am doing you do not understand now, but afterward you will understand."
There's so much promise in Jesus' response. It's crossed my mind so many times this week. It takes my breath away...
"You don't understand now... but you will."
Most days, I can't wait to get on the "other side" of this. I want to be delivered of the grief. I want to bypass the hard stuff and skip to the part when life gets easy again. There's so much I don't understand. There are so many days that I feel like all I do is beg God for answers, crying out "Why? Where are you now?"
But my God's aim has always been to work all things for my good. And now, in the most difficult season I have ever faced, I will strive to believe that He is cleansing me- washing my feet- working for my good.
And no. I don't understand it right now. But He has promised me that, one day? One day I will.
